When I was kid nobody taught me what is self love. Nobody made me believe in myself. No parents, or school. Nobody thought that this concept called, ‘self love’ is so important. Nobody thought that when one day I will be crying at 2AM on my bathroom’s floor and covering my mouth because I have started to give up on my life slowly,this self love will make me get up from there. I will need self love when someone breaks my heart. I will need self love when people will disrespectful towards me for making my own choices. I will need self love when I start to doubt myself. I will need self love when I will get random suicidal thoughts. I will need self love when the whole world is against me. Nobody ever taught me what is self love. It took me years to understand what exactly it is. But my children won’t ever wonder what is self love because right from the day one I will teach them what is self love and self worth.
I know how you feel when you’re crying at 3AM and there is no one with whom you can talk about your problems. You feel lonely. Or rather you decide to be lonely because there is no one who will understand you. You don’t trust people easily because you’re afraid of getting hurt.Every morning when you look at the mirror, you’re disgusted
by yourself. You start to doubt yourself everyday a little more. You question your own existence. You hate to see yourself like this. But darling, be patient. Have faith. Be strong. Relax. Take deep breaths. Look at yourself again. You’re enough. You don’t have to pretend what the world wants you to be. You have a beautiful soul. You’re beautiful inside out.Understand that every person is unique in their own way.You don’t have any competition with anyone. You have
to live this life and love yourself always. You don’t have to put so much burden on yourself. Just relax. One day everything will make sense. Till then remember, ” You’re important”.
I wanted a break from thoughts about you running in my mind.
I needed so badly.
I got an opportunity to travel.
And I couldn’t let go of it.
I traveled by train.
I read books.
I wrote book.
I listened to music.
I was trying to run away from you by doing everything I can.
But it turned out other way around
The more I read books I could imagine myself us in that love story
The more I listened to songs I crave to hear your voice
The more I wrote I realised it was all just about you.
The more I look at the beautiful nature outside I wish you to be here with me.
I wish to forget you completely and also wish for you to come back
And damn nothing is happening.
And all this just makes me miss you a lot.
I want to show you how
beautiful endings are.
I want to see your smile
when you’re busy
watching sunset.I want
to kiss you when the
sky turns into burnt orange colour
with the streaks of peach
and cream colour.
I want to dance with you
when the breeze is in rhythm.
I want to hear your deep silk voice saying,
“You’re being faithfully completely and
truly loved by me, always remember that”.
Watching the sunset with
you will always be my wish.
Family fights.Heartbreak.Ended friendships.She can go through anything.Whenever the world hurts her, she fakes a smile and acts as if nothing happened. As if she’s perfectly fine. As if her heart is unbreakable.She looks strong. But she doesn’t feel strong. She feels like she’s living a lie, like everyone gives her more credit and happiness than she deserves.After all,they think she is strong because they have seen a single side of her. They see her during the day, when she has enough energy to pretend like a strong girl. But they don’t see her at night, alone in her bedroom, when she’s too tired and burst into tears.She never lets anyone catch her when she’s vulnerable.When she has the urge to cry, she runs to her bedroom making an excuse. When she’s upset, she’ll make up an excuse to cancel her plans, so no one realizes that she’s acting off. And when she has a mental breakdown, she doesn’t text her friends about it or post a Facebook status. She suffers in silence.She doesn’t see the point in sharing her misery. Her friends consider her the funny one. The bubbly one. The problem solver. They come to her with their issues. They expect her to know what to do. They expect her to have her shit together.So she nods and offers consolation when they complain about their lives, even though she wants to scream that they don’t know what real problems are. That she’s dealing with something a million times worse.But she doesn’t let herself explode. She listens. She understands. She tries to be a good friend.And when she’s in public, when people are around, it’s not all that hard to put her problems aside. She’s gotten used to it.But the second she’s out of view of the rest of the world, all of her problems come crashing down around her. She hates midnight thoughts. She hates being stuck in her own mind — because it’s a dangerous place.It’s a place where she’s convinced she’s behind in life. She’s unsuccessful. She’s ugly. She’s stupid. She’s going to die alone. She’s going to die without fulfilling any of her dreams. She’s strong, because she still has hope. She’s strong, because she’s capable of smiling through the pain.She’s strong, because she’s still alive, even though she’s witnessed how cruel this world can be.Even though she looks strong, her fears won’t leave her alone. They follow her every where and make her feel ugly,worthless and useless. She hates how the world see her as a beautiful and independent woman while she is completely different person inside. She isn’t fake. But fears make her fake. But she doesn’t realize that she is strong as iron because even after going through all this she stills keeps going on.
I have gone through a phase in my life where I have felt almost all the emotions. This phase was something that changed my life completely in a good way. Maybe not everyone has faced this phase yet or few people are going through this phase but they don’t understand exactly on which stage they are and don’t know what to do.
This phase is called “deprogramming”. In simple words, it means TO BE FREE. This phase has 22 stages.
1.Hurt – We will get hurt easily if we feel a change in behavior of our loved ones.
2.Shock – There will be an surprising or violent act from our loved ones which will leave us in shock.
3.Numbness – We may feel numb due to the violent act from people.
4.Denial – This is where people will clearly give us an indication that we don’t hold any importance in their life anymore.
5. Emotional Outbursts – We may remember all the memories with that particular person and then start to cry.
6.Anger – We will get angry on every person because we may feel that nobody understands us.
7.Fear – We tend to become fearful because we see the changes in ourselves which are negative changes.
8.Searchings – We try to search for people who will help us to come out of this fear.
9. Disorganization – We may not be in our proper senses to think clearly and due to that we become more careless about our things.
10.Panic – We may start panicking that we are not ourselves anymore and we have changed a lot and nothing in this world matters to us.
11.Guilt – We start to hate ourselves and we will feel guilty.
12.Loneliness – We feel lonely because we think that nobody will understand us and so we don’t talk about it and keep it to ourselves.
13.Isolation – We may feel that we are shattered in pieces.
14.Depression – We may go completely mentally out of this world and we feel that Life is no more important.
15.Re–entry troubles – This is where new people enter in our life but we may not feel so comfortable with them.
16.New Relationships – At this stage we feel that life has given another chance to live and so we build new relationships not only with lovers but with friends too.
17.New Strengths – As we will be in New relationships,new people will help us to recognize our strengths.
18.New Patterns – We change our life patterns depending on our relationships.
19.Hope– Everyday when we wakeup we tend to have a hope that today one good thing will happen and there will be something to learn.
20.Affirmation – Once we go through this phase we feel that there is an importance to encourage someone emotionally on how to deal with this phase.
21.Helping others – This is where we verbally help others.
22.Adjustment – This is the final stage where we adjust ourselves to new life.
All survivors go through these stages, just some more faster than others.
”I’m sorry but you deserve someone better than me. I’m sorry for everything. I have no time for all this. I even don’t like to make you wait. I can’t give you my time properly as my life is getting tough day by day. I’m sorry but I better move out from your life.You really deserve a better person than me, you really do because I really don’t want to hurt you and don’t want to waste your precious time and don’t want to mess your life. I’m really sorry from the bottom of my heart. You’re free now and I’m sure you will get a better person who will keep you happy always. Always stay happy and best of luck with your future.God bless you with all you want. Take Care.”He said via text.
She said to herself,”If I knew this is your final goodbye ,I’d have told you that still I’ve a lot of things to say. I’d have told you how you changed my life, how you made me close to myself.How your smile made my day. How just one text from you would make me smile like an idiot. How you would make me clam when I’m angry. How you would make me blush when you kept silly names for me. How you would make me understand when I’m worrying about something. How you helped me to see the real world.If only I knew, this is your final goodbye. I’d have never let you say it…”