Family fights.Heartbreak.Ended friendships.She can go through anything.Whenever the world hurts her, she fakes a smile and acts as if nothing happened. As if she’s perfectly fine. As if her heart is unbreakable.She looks strong. But she doesn’t feel strong. She feels like she’s living a lie, like everyone gives her more credit and happiness than she deserves.After all,they think she is strong because they have seen a single side of her. They see her during the day, when she has enough energy to pretend like a strong girl. But they don’t see her at night, alone in her bedroom, when she’s too tired and burst into tears.She never lets anyone catch her when she’s vulnerable.When she has the urge to cry, she runs to her bedroom making an excuse. When she’s upset, she’ll make up an excuse to cancel her plans, so no one realizes that she’s acting off. And when she has a mental breakdown, she doesn’t text her friends about it or post a Facebook status. She suffers in silence.She doesn’t see the point in sharing her misery. Her friends consider her the funny one. The bubbly one. The problem solver. They come to her with their issues. They expect her to know what to do. They expect her to have her shit together.So she nods and offers consolation when they complain about their lives, even though she wants to scream that they don’t know what real problems are. That she’s dealing with something a million times worse.But she doesn’t let herself explode. She listens. She understands. She tries to be a good friend.And when she’s in public, when people are around, it’s not all that hard to put her problems aside. She’s gotten used to it.But the second she’s out of view of the rest of the world, all of her problems come crashing down around her. She hates midnight thoughts. She hates being stuck in her own mind — because it’s a dangerous place.It’s a place where she’s convinced she’s behind in life. She’s unsuccessful. She’s ugly. She’s stupid. She’s going to die alone. She’s going to die without fulfilling any of her dreams. She’s strong, because she still has hope. She’s strong, because she’s capable of smiling through the pain.She’s strong, because she’s still alive, even though she’s witnessed how cruel this world can be.Even though she looks strong, her fears won’t leave her alone. They follow her every where and make her feel ugly,worthless and useless. She hates how the world see her as a beautiful and independent woman while she is completely different person inside. She isn’t fake. But fears make her fake. But she doesn’t realize that she is strong as iron because even after going through all this she stills keeps going on.
I have gone through a phase in my life where I have felt almost all the emotions. This phase was something that changed my life completely in a good way. Maybe not everyone has faced this phase yet or few people are going through this phase but they don’t understand exactly on which stage they are and don’t know what to do.
This phase is called “deprogramming”. In simple words, it means TO BE FREE. This phase has 22 stages.
1.Hurt – We will get hurt easily if we feel a change in behavior of our loved ones.
2.Shock – There will be an surprising or violent act from our loved ones which will leave us in shock.
3.Numbness – We may feel numb due to the violent act from people.
4.Denial – This is where people will clearly give us an indication that we don’t hold any importance in their life anymore.
5. Emotional Outbursts – We may remember all the memories with that particular person and then start to cry.
6.Anger – We will get angry on every person because we may feel that nobody understands us.
7.Fear – We tend to become fearful because we see the changes in ourselves which are negative changes.
8.Searchings – We try to search for people who will help us to come out of this fear.
9. Disorganization – We may not be in our proper senses to think clearly and due to that we become more careless about our things.
10.Panic – We may start panicking that we are not ourselves anymore and we have changed a lot and nothing in this world matters to us.
11.Guilt – We start to hate ourselves and we will feel guilty.
12.Loneliness – We feel lonely because we think that nobody will understand us and so we don’t talk about it and keep it to ourselves.
13.Isolation – We may feel that we are shattered in pieces.
14.Depression – We may go completely mentally out of this world and we feel that Life is no more important.
15.Re–entry troubles – This is where new people enter in our life but we may not feel so comfortable with them.
16.New Relationships – At this stage we feel that life has given another chance to live and so we build new relationships not only with lovers but with friends too.
17.New Strengths – As we will be in New relationships,new people will help us to recognize our strengths.
18.New Patterns – We change our life patterns depending on our relationships.
19.Hope– Everyday when we wakeup we tend to have a hope that today one good thing will happen and there will be something to learn.
20.Affirmation – Once we go through this phase we feel that there is an importance to encourage someone emotionally on how to deal with this phase.
21.Helping others – This is where we verbally help others.
22.Adjustment – This is the final stage where we adjust ourselves to new life.
All survivors go through these stages, just some more faster than others.
”I’m sorry but you deserve someone better than me. I’m sorry for everything. I have no time for all this. I even don’t like to make you wait. I can’t give you my time properly as my life is getting tough day by day. I’m sorry but I better move out from your life.You really deserve a better person than me, you really do because I really don’t want to hurt you and don’t want to waste your precious time and don’t want to mess your life. I’m really sorry from the bottom of my heart. You’re free now and I’m sure you will get a better person who will keep you happy always. Always stay happy and best of luck with your future.God bless you with all you want. Take Care.”He said via text.
She said to herself,”If I knew this is your final goodbye ,I’d have told you that still I’ve a lot of things to say. I’d have told you how you changed my life, how you made me close to myself.How your smile made my day. How just one text from you would make me smile like an idiot. How you would make me clam when I’m angry. How you would make me blush when you kept silly names for me. How you would make me understand when I’m worrying about something. How you helped me to see the real world.If only I knew, this is your final goodbye. I’d have never let you say it…”
I am the greatest person on this planet!
Well, I’m sure everyone will laugh at this and say like,’have you gone mad’ ‘Are you insane’ ‘you are not a notable person how can you say that’ and sayings goes on…
It’s not important what I say to people or what I show them. Important is what I think about myself 24 hours in my mind. If I say that ,”I’m weak and I can’t do anything” then all negative things will happen to me because I, myself think that! But, if I say to myself all good things then definitely positive things will happen.And if my thoughts are positive then there will be an positive energy inside me due to that my actions will also be positive which will attract people to me and they will never leave my side.Confusing! Isn’t it? Let me explain in a simple way.
I can say to myself confidently,” I am the greatest person on this planet”. People don’t believe it and it’s not my problem!But people can’t say this. Why??Because they think that they are not greatest!! Now why they think they are not greatest because others say to them that they are not greatest.I mean just think for a while, why do you want to listen to others?
A person who is happy around people but is suffering from depression. Now he acts all happy because he sees himself from the viewpoint of people and people want him to be smiling even though he is not happy inside. People sometimes say good things and sometimes bad things and when they say bad things ,that person sits there and cries.
I’m sure many of you have seen the MS Dhoni movie, what I have learnt is the positive attitude which he keeps inside himself that yes he can be a top cricket player ever. People didn’t know what he was thinking but he was sure about himself and as we know where he stands today in his life.
So what I say is, don’t listen to people. Think all good things about you. So that even if the world says that You are the worst, it shouldn’t effect you. Because you’re the greatest and it’s not your problem if they don’t believe you!And I’m not saying to say this line to everyone but to yourself you should say everyday and that will reflect in your behavior and attract people towards you.
So come on say to yourself,“I am the greatest person ever born on this planet”
I promise myself to be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.To talk healthy, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.To make all my friends feel that there is something in them.To look at the sunny side of everything.To think only the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I’m for my own.To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.To give every living creature I meet a smile.To give so much time to the improvement of myself that I have no time to criticize others.To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,not in loud words but great deeds.To live in faith that the whole world is by myside as long as I’m truthful to myself. To stop comparing myself to others. To accept myself first completely. To exercise because it is good for soul,health and appearance.To strengthen my natural talents and use them. To read books.To research random but significant things.To let go of past and be hopeful for the future.To buy myself nice things. To pick up a new hobby.To save money.To eat healthy food.To do favors without expecting anything in return.To get good amount of sleep.To pray. To meditate. And lastly to spend time being alone to recharge myself.
New Year.New Day.New Vibes.New Dreams.New Goals.New Me.
You can connect with me via,
“Happy birthday My Doreamon! I know you don’t like this name but still I love to call you by this name because you’re tooooooo cute. I’m so glad that we met. After you came,my life has changed in such a good way and I have learned so many things. You taught me not to get angry for silly things. You taught me to listen other’s point of view first and not to be judgemental. You taught me to see all the things in life in a positive way. You taught me how to love myself. You taught me how to be happy even when no one is with me. You taught me how should I concentrate on my goals. You taught me to give my exams without fear. You taught me to have faith in god every time. You taught me to fight against every hurdle. You are the best thing that has happened to me. And I Thank my Lord for this. Today you have added another candle of knowledge and wisdom to your life. May it give you the power to enlighten the whole world. May the love in your heart overshadow any sorrows, and may you always know with a deep inner certainty, how loved you truly are.May today be the best birthday of your life, I give you my heart as the most precious gift I can give you and I promise I always will love you.And lastly,Thank you for existing.”
She types the message but his ignorance towards her didn’t let her to send the message.
And she was lost,she didn’t know what she felt anymore, she was both happy and sad at the same time.Behind her smile, she held a broken heart.She would forgive over and over again just because she was afraid to lose someone who never saw her real worth. She would never tell how she felt,she would stay quite and keep it for herself.She had lost so much and gained so little,she would never feel good enough for anyone,not even for herself.She would laugh and she would smile,she would act like everything was fine but she knew she was living a lie.She never learned to let go,she got attached too fast and when time came a part of her was gone too. And all those promises in which she belived blew away just like a wind.All she ever wants is to never feel again because every time she feels,all she feels is pain.